


Roots In My Dreamland

by lucybeee



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, tohru needs some therapy or something let's be honest, tw: mentions of suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29392485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucybeee/pseuds/lucybeee
Summary: "But when reality confronted her in her sleep, it was hard to run away. There was no way to hide. She was at her subconscious’s mercy until she was released and allowed to wake up as a panting, sweaty mess."
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Roots In My Dreamland

**Author's Note:**

> The night before last, I had a nightmare about my favorite person that scared the shit out of me. When I woke up, I just *had* to write about it, and I realized the general concept would work well with Act III Tohru. It's a little disjointed, like my thoughts were, and like I figured Tohru's thoughts would be, as well. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Title from "Ivy" by Taylor Swift
> 
> Takes place right after chapter 108.
> 
> TW: mentions of suicidal ideation

* * *

_When Tohru picked her head up off the pillow, she couldn't figure out why she'd woken up. A glance out her window told her that it was still late, or at least well before dawn. She should have rolled over and gone back to sleep. But there was an odd pinching feeling in her stomach. Her mouth was dry, and she felt shaky. Something was wrong, and she could feel it in her gut. She found herself getting up out of bed and wandering around the various rooms of Shigure's house, all empty. At this realization, the odd emotion should have faded, but it did not, and her feet led her up to the roof. At the top rung of the ladder, she heard a sob. She peeked up over the gutter and saw Kyo hunched over, head on his knees and arms wrapped around his calves––essentially the fetal position, but sitting up. His shoulders quaked, and Tohru's heart burned._

" _Kyo?" she called. He stiffened and sat up. He wiped at his eyes and held his chin up toward the sky, looking at the moon to avoid meeting her gaze._

" _I'm fine, Tohru. Go back to bed."_

_She shook her head and tiptoed across the roof, arms out to her sides to help maintain her balance._

" _No."_

_Her voice was soft, but firm. She wanted to stay with him. She didn't want him to cry, especially not all alone, on this cold roof in the middle of the night._

_She reached out to Kyo, got a hand on his shoulder, was about to pull him in––why, she didn't know, since he'd just transform––when he disappeared. She spun around and called out to him, but he was just...gone. Without a trace. As if he'd disappeared into thin air._

_As if he'd never actually been there at all._

* * *

She'd had a dream about him again.

And it was sad.

And so, so lonely.

Dreams about Kyo weren't a rare occurrence. Lately, she saw him in her sleep probably about once a week, at least. Sometimes, the dreams were...a little _raunchy_ , a manifestation of what Tohru had just recently discovered might ultimately be one of her biggest hidden desires. But most of the time, they were what she'd classify as nightmares.

This dream had been one of the latter.

The idea of Kyo just being _gone_ someday scared the hell out of Tohru. It was too much to bear. So, she usually avoided thinking about it and put that energy into attempting to break the curse. But when reality confronted her in her sleep, it was hard to run away. There was no way to hide. She was at her subconscious's mercy until she was released and allowed to wake up as a panting, sweaty mess.

She leaned over and turned on the lamp on her night stand. Swallowed hard. Realized she was crying.

When had she started crying?

_Stop crying._

She took a few deep breaths.

It didn't work.

She covered her face with her hands, dug the heels of her palms into her eyes to try and ground herself.

It didn't work.

"Stop it, stop it, _stop it_ ," she muttered to herself, heaving a sob. "It was a dream. It was just a _dream_."

Kyo wasn't gone yet. He was sleeping in the room right across the hall. If she really wanted to, and if she weren't so concerned about propriety, she could go knock on his door and wake him up. She could stand there in the hallway and cry until he pulled her into his room and comforted her. Because she knew he would. He always would.

But _yet_ was the keyword there. If Tohru didn't work harder, pour all her energy into the stupid curse, he would be gone in just a handful of months, and she would never see him again. She didn't know if she would be able to handle that. If it happened, she would be better off being _gone,_ just like he would be. At least she would be with Mom and Dad that way. Surely, as ghosts watching over her, they knew what was going on. They could comfort her. Here, no one could soothe her because no one would understand. Yes, the other Zodiacs knew about Kyo's fate, but deep down, like Shigure had told her just a few days ago, they didn't care. As the cat, Kyo was their martyr.

She could do it right now. Just end it. Be finished.

She looked around her room. Granted, she had no idea _how_ exactly she would kill herself. She wasn't the kind of person who had razors or a knife or a bottle of pills lying around in here. She couldn't go downstairs because she'd wake everyone up. And maybe that was the way it was meant to be. Didn't she at least owe it to him to _try_ and change his fate? She had to try until the very last moment. _Then_ she could face herself and go from there. There were options she could contemplate then.

She wiped at her eyes. Theoretically, the new escape route she'd just imagined should make her feel better, right? But it didn't. It just made everything hurt worse. She felt the ache down to the marrow of her bones. Another strangled noise escaped her throat, and she clamped her hand over her mouth.

" _Shut up_ , shut up, shut up, shut up," she told herself, but her voice was shaky, and ultimately ended up being much louder than she wanted it to be.

There was a knock at her door, a soft and quiet rapping of knuckles on wood, barely audible at all. "Tohru?"

Tohru sat up straight, freezing at the sound of his voice. She sniffled and patted at her cheeks with her sleeves before calling back a meek, "Y-yes?"

The door creaked open a crack. "Are you okay?" Kyo asked. "Who are you talking to?"

"Oh, no one. My...well, myself. I'm fine, Kyo-kun. You can go back to bed."

He peeked his head around the door and sighed a bit. She must have looked like a mess. She ducked her head so she wouldn't have to look at him

"Can I come in?" he asked, but he didn't wait for an answer. Before she really realized what was going on, he was at her bedside, throwing a blanket around her shoulders. He sat down by her feet and watched her quietly, probably waiting for her to say something. She just pulled the blanket tighter around herself. He must have brought it from his room. It smelled like him. Like his pine-scented body wash and the slight musk that was unique to him and him only. She couldn't help but feel a bit comforted by it. But it didn't quite stop the tears.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head. How could she possibly tell him the cause of this? Where would she even begin? It went far deeper than just the dream.

"'Kay."

"Just, uh––" she started, then trailed off, really not sure what she'd had in mind when she opened her mouth.

"What is it?"

"Would you stay for a while?" Her tone was impish, very unsure. It was a preposterous request. It was a school night, and _late,_ at that. He should go back to his room and get some more sleep. But she didn't want him to.

_Selfish_.

He cleared his throat, and for the first time since he sat next to her, Tohru looked up at him. His cheeks were tinted pink, and his lips pursed, his gaze trained on the carpet. It was clear he felt rather nervous. Why was the air between them almost always _awkward_ now?

"Y-yeah. Of course."

He sucked in a deep breath and leaned over, reaching out toward her. He wrapped his large hand over her much smaller one, then gave her fingers a squeeze. She tried to gulp down the butterflies taking flight within her.

"I'll stay as long as you want," he added.

And he did.

He sat there and held her hand, let her tears drip down onto his wrist. He didn't press her for answers or chastise her for being weak.

He just...stayed.

She wasn't sure how long he stayed. She dozed off. When she woke again in the morning, he was gone, but she was still all tangled up in his blanket.

It still smelled like him. It lingered, mingling with the cherry blossom scent of her shampoo and creating a perfect mix of the two of them.

She recapped the night's events in her mind, careful to be as vague as possible in order to avoid another crying fest.

What stuck out the most, though, past all the turmoil and tears and the way her chest ached now from sobbing was that…

He'd just stayed with her.

**Author's Note:**

> Furuba socials: @riceballcatfb on Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter
> 
> Multi-fandom anime Insta: @kawaii.anime.screens


End file.
